Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
