Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
