We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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