I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
