he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we're so committed to being not committed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
