I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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