I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
