I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
