i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
