After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
