sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
