last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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