I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
is it fun? or sober?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
