Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
