You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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