Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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