2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
