I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
