So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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