Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
