one might say we're banned from that church
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
