thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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