Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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