The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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