I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
