what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
