three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
