ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
