I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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