I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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