Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
