I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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