All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
