I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
