So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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