By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
