he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
