he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
