So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
