Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
