That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
