im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
operation have a gay friend backfired
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
