Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
