five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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