just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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