I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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