They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
