i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
