I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
