watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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