It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
