I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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