so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
