If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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