I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
