Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
