he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
