I heard we made out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
