We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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