I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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