I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
