Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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