i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
