You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
