What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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