Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
