saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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