I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
