Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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