So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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