based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
