mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
