my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
