She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
