My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
