He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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