I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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