I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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