it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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