My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was born a porn star she said
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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