We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
