I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
